It’s been an entire month since Scott’s sudden death and it still feels surreal. Most of the bills and business stuff has been sorted. We picked up his ashes a few weeks ago and most of them are in a beautiful wooden urn on top of his dresser, sat between a pair of antique vases that he loved.

My kids were an enormous help and I am happy that they were able to get on with their travel plans after such an emotional and sad few weeks.

It is heartwarming to witness all the outpouring of love for Scott. He was an upbeat and optimistic guy. He is missed from a whole bunch of people from all walks of life.

As for me, I’m doing okay I guess? I’m functioning. I found counseling for my driving anxiety and started medication that will take a couple of weeks to kick in. If I can’t get myself to drive on the freeway, then I will be forever relying on Lyft or the kindness of friends to get out . I need to be able to get myself able to drive the 30 something miles over to visit my parents.

One of Scott’s biggest pleasures was grocery shopping and cooking. I’m now doing both for the first time in 35 years. I used to do both during my first marriage (8 years!) but didn’t enjoy it. So now, I’m back to it. I wished I could show Scott the bargain I got on Cream cheese or make him taste the schnitzel I made for Noah.

The pets are coming along, putting Desh to bed in his crate has been helpful for housebreaking him and he seems to like having his little den. Annie is still super clingy but doing better when company comes by. Abe the cat, has stopped looking for Scott.

I don’t know why but everyday it feels more unreal that Scott’s gone. I sure do miss him 🌻