Hmmm, what is a lie that I tell myself? I am not intentionally a self deceiver. I’m well aware of reality most of the time. I’m also really good at dreaming up possibilities and that ability probably keeps me from drowning in doubts and depression. If I’m at a low point, I may wallow for a little bit but I’m driven by optimism and old enough to understand that on the wheel of fortune, that what goes up must come down and then go up again. I don’t think I lie to myself, I delay the inevitable truth mebbe…. My current truth/lie surrounds my aging. I’m older than I picture myself , than I EVER pictured myself to be. But I don’t feel very different from when I was younger. Mebbe, I am just a little wiser below the surface from life lessons, but I still identify myself as youngish . It was almost 20 years ago, when I overheard a new friend , I had met at a concert describe me as “an older, mature middle aged woman with grown children “ . Indeed, I was in my 40’s and my kids weren’t babies and yet, I wasn’t prepared to hear the older, mature or middle aged part. To myself, I’m timeless, but from that day on, I became aware that I was middle aged. Not a young person really, but okay just keep going.
And I did, I was through menopause without even realizing it. I was one of the lucky ladies who never had horrible trouble with periods, fertility and menopause. I adjusted to middle age, enjoying more low key fun, rising to the challenges of college aged children and still wanting to someday work on only making art.
Now, it’s twenty years later. I can’t really be middle aged now, though it’s more possible that I could make it past one hundred years old, but, that still makes me past my midpoint. My lie is that nothing will change too much in the next few years but, I know time will pass and change is inevitable. I’m focusing as I always do on the good dreams that might happen. It’s what’s best when watching that wheel of fortune spin.
May your Monday be memorable.